obituaries

Bertram Holloway in an undated photograph, holding a clipboard. The photograph was submitted by the family with a note indicating it was taken during an active inspection.

Obituaries

Bertram Holloway, Retired Permit Inspector, 77

Spent forty-one years reviewing municipal variance applications; died after becoming entangled in a banner.

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 18, 2026

Herbert 'Herby Feta' Feta in an undated photograph provided by Steve Fairway, who described it as the only photograph of Mr. Feta in circulation.

Obituaries

Herbert 'Herby Feta' Feta, Jazz Pianist, 96

He recorded prolifically for seven decades. One person noticed.

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 18, 2026

James McHenry in an undated photograph taken at a job site on Anchor Street, provided by the family.

Obituaries

James McHenry, Carpenter, 58, Died While Being Hunted For Sport By Peter Thiel

Died Thursday after being pursued on foot across the northern headlands by Peter Thiel; survived by his wife, two children, and an unfinished deck.

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 9, 2026

Dominic Farrell, 19, hunted for sport by Peter Thiel

Obituaries

Dominic Farrell, 19, College Sophomore Dead After Being Hunted For Sport By Peter Thiel

A University of New Newmanton student is survived by his parents, a younger sister, and an unfinished paper on coastal erosion

By Margaret Huang · Mar 8, 2026

Obituaries

Unhoused Man, Elroy Finch, 53, Dead After Being Hunted For Sport By Peter Thiel

A resident of New Newmanton for eleven years

By Philippa Trask · Mar 8, 2026

A framed photograph of Theodore Wambolt at the Meridian Assurance Group holiday party, 2022, displayed in the office lobby on Monday.

Obituaries

Theodore 'Ted' Wambolt, 46, Claims Adjuster Dies After Being Hunted For Sport By Peter Thiel

Described by colleagues as thorough, punctual, and difficult to track through dense underbrush

By Philippa Trask · Mar 8, 2026

A bronze plaque reading 'In This Location, Commerce Once Occurred' stands near the corner of Pacific Avenue and Sixth Street on Wednesday.

Obituaries

Capitalism, 250, Dies After Decades-Long Battle With Neoliberal Policy

Survived by shareholder value, a 7-tier agility lattice, and approximately 400 lobbyists

By Margaret Huang · Mar 8, 2026

Brittany Oliaro and Todd Fendrick at the Gnu Botanical Conservatory on Saturday, having determined that this was information the public required.

Weddings

Fendrick-Oliaro Wedding Announced in Newspaper, No One Cares

Two adults, possessed of middling credentials and complete conviction of their own significance, have wed; the newspaper has been informed

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 8, 2026

Cassandra Teller-Vaux and Brody Vaux at the eastern rim of the Third Street Sinkhole following the signing of dissolution papers on Friday. Ms. Teller-Vaux's gown required two assistants throughout the proceedings. Brenda Kowalski is visible at left.

Divorces

Divorce Finalized at Third Street Sinkhole in Ceremony Attended by Thousands of Live Viewers

Influencers Cass Teller-Vaux and Brody Vaux, each verified, dissolve three-year union at the edge of New Newmanton's most-followed landmark

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 8, 2026

A close-up of multiple large federal archive binders stacked on a metal folding table in a fluorescent-lit university research room, their spines, with an archivist's hand adjusting one of the binders and a few loose index pages visible on the table surface, overcast institutional lighting, documentary style. No visible text

News

TNNN Staff Appear 16,847 Times in Epstein Documents, Records Show

Topics logged include catering coordination, fitness guidance, and repeated requests for advice on the sexual abuse of children

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 4, 2026

Patricia Deluca and Owen Firth at their reception at Newton's Fig on Saturday evening, standing in front of the mural.

Weddings

Deluca-Firth Wedding Held at Newton's Fig, No One Cares

Both parties are employed; officiant holds a certificate

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 18, 2026

Gerald sits in the folding chair on the ground floor of the Gnu Public Library on Thursday. The 1987 Rand McNally road atlas is visible on the table to his left.

Local

Gnu Public Library Reduced to One Book, One Chair, and a Man Named Gerald Who May or May Not Be Staff

Budget reductions spanning eleven consecutive years have left the commonwealth's flagship branch 'fully operational,' per the Department of Cultural Services

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 18, 2026

A crowd gathers outside the newly reopened office of the administrator in the capital, March 1947. The door had been recently replaced.

Local

From the Archive: 'Infrastructure Restored; Newton Missing, Presumed Eaten' — New Newton Courier, March 14, 1947

Republished in full on the occasion of the 78th anniversary of the island's transition from libertarian experiment to functional commonwealth

By Margaret Huang · Mar 19, 2026

The New Newmanton News

obituaries

Bertram Holloway, Retired Permit Inspector, 77

Herbert 'Herby Feta' Feta, Jazz Pianist, 96

James McHenry, Carpenter, 58, Died While Being Hunted For Sport By Peter Thiel

Dominic Farrell, 19, College Sophomore Dead After Being Hunted For Sport By Peter Thiel

Unhoused Man, Elroy Finch, 53, Dead After Being Hunted For Sport By Peter Thiel

Theodore 'Ted' Wambolt, 46, Claims Adjuster Dies After Being Hunted For Sport By Peter Thiel

Capitalism, 250, Dies After Decades-Long Battle With Neoliberal Policy

Related Articles

Fendrick-Oliaro Wedding Announced in Newspaper, No One Cares

Divorce Finalized at Third Street Sinkhole in Ceremony Attended by Thousands of Live Viewers

TNNN Staff Appear 16,847 Times in Epstein Documents, Records Show

Deluca-Firth Wedding Held at Newton's Fig, No One Cares

Gnu Public Library Reduced to One Book, One Chair, and a Man Named Gerald Who May or May Not Be Staff

From the Archive: 'Infrastructure Restored; Newton Missing, Presumed Eaten' — New Newton Courier, March 14, 1947