Iran

Rear Admiral Christine Yeoh speaks at a press availability at Gnu Harbor Naval Base on Tuesday, confirming that the base is supporting 'operational requirements' without specifying what those requirements are.

U.S. Completely Obliterates Iran Nuclear Weapons Program for 12th Consecutive Day

Pentagon confirms total, comprehensive destruction of program it also completely destroyed on days 1 through 11; officials describe results as 'consistent'

By James Okonkwo · Mar 9, 2026

A copy of Tuesday's federal press release, partially retracted, posted to the bulletin board outside Gnu Harbor Naval Base.

Opinion

Whatever the Reason, We Declared War on Iran for the Right Reason

The administration's explanations may be contradictory, incomplete, and occasionally incoherent. That is not the point.

By Graham Holt · Mar 7, 2026

A printed copy of the April 14 article is displayed at the TNNN public affairs desk alongside the correction, which is printed on a separate sheet.

News

CORRECTION: US, Not North Korea, Responsible For Funding Ongoing Genocide, Bombing Iranian Girls' School

Newspaper of record apologizes for misidentifying responsible party; original headline, sources, and conclusions remain unchanged

By James Okonkwo · Mar 12, 2026

A frame from the 47-second video posted Tuesday by Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., showing him mid-stroke in the Strait of Hormuz. A vessel is visible in the background.

News

RFK Jr. Posts Video of Self Swimming in Strait of Hormuz

Health secretary calls the swim 'a personal wellness choice'; three tankers struck by missiles during filming

By James Okonkwo · Mar 12, 2026

The USS Clown Penis in Gnu Harbor's southern dry dock on Wednesday, ahead of Friday's scheduled departure for the Strait of Hormuz.

Local

New Newmanton Recommissions USS Clown Penis to Assist With Strait of Hormuz Demining Operations

The decommissioned minehunter, in dry dock since 2019, will deploy Friday; Navy confirms name is correct

By James Okonkwo · Mar 14, 2026

A fuel pump at the Gnu Harbor Marina displays updated pricing on Tuesday.

Opinion

Are High Oil Prices a Good Thing?

I know how that sounds. I'm asking anyway.

By Victoria Ashford-Cross · Mar 19, 2026

Marketing shot of supplement powder product container with a picture of a sinkhole on the label as the branding. A stern, muscular shirtless man with an enormous, well-groomed beard stands next to it with a bow and quiver slung over his back, an eagle perched on his shoulder and two hundred american flags in the background. He is soaking wet, for some reason.

Local

Influencer Markets Sinkhole Dirt as Cure for 'Learned Male Submissiveness'; Product Ships Nationwide

Third Street soil, described by Public Works as 'of uncertain composition,' now available in capsule form at $34.99 per month

By James Okonkwo · Mar 4, 2026

Dominic Farrell, 19, hunted for sport by Peter Thiel

Obituaries

Dominic Farrell, 19, College Sophomore Dead After Being Hunted For Sport By Peter Thiel

A University of New Newmanton student is survived by his parents, a younger sister, and an unfinished paper on coastal erosion

By Margaret Huang · Mar 8, 2026

The New Newmanton News