local events

1st Annual Westminster Looksmaxxing Competition to be hosted on June 14 in the Gnu Civic Pavilion

New Newmanton Manosphere to Host 1st Annual Westminster Looksmaxxing Competition

Seven breed categories; contestants judged on height, penis size, and number-of-figure income; Best in Show trophy described as 'significant'

By Claire Beaulieu · Apr 16, 2026

Patricia Deluca and Owen Firth at their reception at Newton's Fig on Saturday evening, standing in front of the mural.

Weddings

Deluca-Firth Wedding Held at Newton's Fig, No One Cares

Both parties are employed; officiant holds a certificate

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 18, 2026

Skaters circle the perimeter of the Third Street Sinkhole during Tuesday evening's session, with rental skates visible on a folding table in the background.

Local

Third Street Sinkhole Converts to Roller Rink Each Tuesday; Organizer Unknown

Smooth surface, working sound system, and rental skates appear by 6 p.m.; no permit on file, no jurisdiction to require one

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 18, 2026

Brittany Oliaro and Todd Fendrick at the Gnu Botanical Conservatory on Saturday, having determined that this was information the public required.

Weddings

Fendrick-Oliaro Wedding Announced in Newspaper, No One Cares

Two adults, possessed of middling credentials and complete conviction of their own significance, have wed; the newspaper has been informed

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 8, 2026

Business

Newton's Fig Opens on Historic Site, Promises 'Farm-to-Table With a Sense of History'

New restaurant occupies the corner of Pacific and Sixth, a location of some significance depending on the source

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 4, 2026

Gerald sits in the folding chair on the ground floor of the Gnu Public Library on Thursday. The 1987 Rand McNally road atlas is visible on the table to his left.

Local

Gnu Public Library Reduced to One Book, One Chair, and a Man Named Gerald Who May or May Not Be Staff

Budget reductions spanning eleven consecutive years have left the commonwealth's flagship branch 'fully operational,' per the Department of Cultural Services

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 18, 2026

Local

Third Street Sinkhole Enters Second Month; Residents Adapt

Jurisdictional dispute between city, commonwealth, and federal agencies leaves 40-foot crater in legal and geographic limbo

By Margaret Huang · Mar 4, 2026

The New Newmanton News

local events

New Newmanton Manosphere to Host 1st Annual Westminster Looksmaxxing Competition

Related Articles

Deluca-Firth Wedding Held at Newton's Fig, No One Cares

Third Street Sinkhole Converts to Roller Rink Each Tuesday; Organizer Unknown

Fendrick-Oliaro Wedding Announced in Newspaper, No One Cares

Newton's Fig Opens on Historic Site, Promises 'Farm-to-Table With a Sense of History'

Gnu Public Library Reduced to One Book, One Chair, and a Man Named Gerald Who May or May Not Be Staff

Third Street Sinkhole Enters Second Month; Residents Adapt