health

Health Department Issues Childhood Obesity Guidelines: 'Be Born Thin, Free of Disability and Stay That Way Until You Die'

State nutritionists say the seven-word directive 'covers the full continuum of preventive care'; implementation timeline not yet determined

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 6, 2026

Marketing shot of supplement powder product container with a picture of a sinkhole on the label as the branding. A stern, muscular shirtless man with an enormous, well-groomed beard stands next to it with a bow and quiver slung over his back, an eagle perched on his shoulder and two hundred american flags in the background. He is soaking wet, for some reason.

Local

Influencer Markets Sinkhole Dirt as Cure for 'Learned Male Submissiveness'; Product Ships Nationwide

Third Street soil, described by Public Works as 'of uncertain composition,' now available in capsule form at $34.99 per month

By James Okonkwo · Mar 4, 2026

A close-up editorial photograph of a rustic wooden board arranged with an assortment of sliced cured meats, dark braised cuts, and roasted portions next to a pair of glasses and dentures on a white linen tablecloth, shot in the dim, warm ambient light of a Harbor District restaurant, with shallow depth of field and a half-empty glass of red wine softly blurred in the background. The composition is tight and journalistic, overhead-adjacent angle, natural window light catching the textures of the meat.

Opinion

Is Cannibalism the New Anti-Inflammatory Diet?

Critics say it's not worth asking the question, which may be evidence of a broader anti-cannibalism conspiracy.

By Desmond Fairley · Mar 4, 2026

Graham Holt at his desk in the TNNN offices, photographed Tuesday.

Opinion

Who, Exactly, Is Being Harmed by This Conversation?

A classical liberal asks the question no one else will, because no one else has the courage, or possibly the patience

By Graham Holt · Mar 4, 2026

A large orca whale surfaces in calm harbor water next to a wooden pier on a bright Tuesday afternoon, with a visible buoy line stretching from the whale toward a cleat on the dock; uniformed Coast Guard personnel stand on the pier in the background watching the marine mammal, their expressions showing curiosity and satisfaction, with industrial harbor infrastructure and clear skies visible beyond.

Local

Coast Guard Station Acquires Orca; Cites Morale

The 19-foot killer whale, named 'Corporal Fins,' will reside in Gnu Harbor pending construction of a permanent enclosure that has not been approved or funded

By James Okonkwo · Mar 4, 2026

NNNN anchor Dale Forsythe stands at the broadcast desk during Tuesday's Evening Forum. Senator Chandrasekaran is visible in the foreground.

News

NNNN Editor-in-Chief's Directive to Restrain Senate Guest Raises Questions About Industry Standards, Some Say

Bari Weiss instructed on-air anchor to hog-tie and gag sitting senator during live broadcast; editorial integrity discussion ensues

By James Okonkwo · Mar 5, 2026

A close-up of multiple large federal archive binders stacked on a metal folding table in a fluorescent-lit university research room, their spines, with an archivist's hand adjusting one of the binders and a few loose index pages visible on the table surface, overcast institutional lighting, documentary style. No visible text

News

TNNN Staff Appear 16,847 Times in Epstein Documents, Records Show

Topics logged include catering coordination, fitness guidance, and repeated requests for advice on the sexual abuse of children

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 4, 2026

The New Newmanton News