The New Newmanton News Network announced Monday that it has been acquired by Oracle founder Larry Ellison in a transaction whose terms were not disclosed, and that Bari Weiss has been named editor in chief effective immediately. The network's new permanent headquarters will be located at the base of the Third Street Sinkhole, at a depth described in the press release as 'situated against the walls of Hell.'

The acquisition was announced in a joint statement from Ellison and Weiss that ran to fourteen pages and used the phrase 'intellectual courage' eleven times.

'NNNN has always been committed to truth,' the statement read, in part. 'Under new leadership, it will be committed to truth even more, and also to freedom, and also to the kind of fearless inquiry that other media organizations are simply too captured to attempt.'

The statement did not specify which media organizations were captured, by whom, or on what charges.

Weiss, in a separate statement released seventeen minutes later, called the appointment 'the most important thing happening in journalism right now, in New Newmanton or anywhere.' She described her editorial vision as 'the full and unflinching pursuit of ideas that polite society has deemed unsayable,' and said the network would begin airing a nightly program called Unsaid beginning in March. The premiere episode will feature a panel discussion on whether the Third Street Sinkhole is a free speech issue.

The Headquarters

The decision to locate NNNN's new corporate headquarters inside the Third Street Sinkhole drew questions at Monday's press conference, which was held at the crater's edge and attended by approximately forty journalists, twelve residents in lawn chairs, and Public Works Director Alan Marsh, who said he was there to monitor the situation.

A spokesperson for NNNN said the location was chosen for its 'symbolic resonance' and 'market positioning,' and noted that the subsurface real estate had been acquired at 'favorable rates' given the ongoing jurisdictional dispute between the city, the federal government, and the office of the state attorney general over who, if anyone, owns what is beneath Third Street.

City Clerk Patricia Voss confirmed Monday that the city had received no permit application for construction within the sinkhole, as no permit category currently exists for subterranean commercial development in a contested void. She said her office would 'look into it.'

Mayor Clifton Reeves called the acquisition 'a great day for New Newmanton and a complete vindication of everything I've been saying about media.' He did not elaborate on what he had been saying about media, though at a separate press conference in November he described the NNNN evening anchor as 'a radical' and 'probably from somewhere else.'

Reeves added that the new headquarters would 'bring jobs, bring investment, and finally do something with that hole, which has been a Restorationist talking point since day one.' He then took credit for the acquisition.

The Logo

The new network logo, unveiled at the press conference on a banner that had to be lowered partway into the crater to be fully visible, depicts Weiss blindfolded and holding a set of scales. A network spokesperson described the image as 'an homage to Lady Justice, adapted to reflect Bari's personal commitment to impartiality and her willingness to hold the scales even when others refuse to look.'

When a reporter noted that Lady Justice's blindfold traditionally symbolizes impartiality toward the parties being judged rather than the judge herself, the spokesperson said that was 'one interpretation.'

Patrick Fenn, chair of the Coalition for General Cannibalism Awareness, called the logo 'a step in the right direction' and said he hoped the new network would 'finally give voice to perspectives that the mainstream has systematically excluded.' When asked which perspectives he had in mind, he said, 'The reasonable ones.'

Fenn added that the CGCA had already submitted a guest segment proposal to the new editorial team. He declined to share the title.

Dr. Keala Montoya-Nakamura of the Gnu Nation Cultural Council said the network had not contacted her organization about coverage of Tahumake issues but that she expected it would 'reach out once it has an angle.' She said the Cultural Council would evaluate any such request on its merits.

Council President Diana Okafor-Mills called the acquisition 'an exciting development for the local media landscape' and said she looked forward to 'productive dialogue with all voices, including new ones, provided the conversation is constructive and doesn't inflame an already difficult situation.' She did not specify which situation she meant, though aides said she meant all of them.

Brenda Kowalski, who has maintained a lawn chair adjacent to the sinkhole since January and who will soon have a media conglomerate as her closest neighbor, said the development did not concern her.

'It's still quite peaceful down there,' she said. 'You can hear something. I've been calling it the ocean.'