Sunday Snooze

Terrance Gluth stands at the edge of his Gnu Harbor compound's private dock on Wednesday, gesturing toward the naval base expansion he has described as 'honestly, a little small.'

Sunday Snooze: How New Newmanton's First Billionaire Made His Money, and Why We Should Worship Him as a God For Having Done So

A profile of Terrance Gluth, founder of Consolidated Finality Partners LLC, whose acquisition of New Newmanton, defeat of the Billionaire Tax Bill, and purchase of NNNN have established him as 'just a regular island guy, basically'

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 15, 2026

A resident pauses in the kitchen doorway on Aldermere Street Thursday morning, apparently uncertain how to proceed.

Local

This One Thing Done Every Morning Will Kill You and Everyone You've Ever Met

Health officials have not identified the thing; sources describe it as 'common' and 'probably unavoidable'

By Claire Beaulieu · Apr 16, 2026

A circle of mismatched lawn chairs arranged around the perimeter of a dark, gaping sinkhole on Third Street at dusk, with overcast skies overhead. Several residents sit quietly in their chairs facing the opening, some looking down into the hole with expressions of curiosity and bemusement, while others gaze upward or toward each other. The surrounding pavement is cracked and worn, typical New Newmanton municipal infrastructure, with Elm Street visible in the soft evening light. The composition emphasizes the surreal gathering—ordinary people in everyday chairs, waiting and listening to something impossible.

Local

Third Street Sinkhole Begins Emitting Sound Consistent With 1982 Toto Single

Geological anomaly produces what acoustics researchers describe as 'a reasonable approximation' of 'Rosanna'; mayor attributes phenomenon to pre-colonial land practices

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 4, 2026

A stock image of a man in athletic wear staring at a sunrise, available royalty-free from a vendor whose terms of service contain fourteen pages of arbitration clauses.

Business

Billionaires Do These 5 Things Every Day, Meaning These 5 Things Done Every Day Guarantee Wealth

A TNNN Business Desk investigation reveals the daily habits separating the demi-wealthy from the merely disciplined

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 7, 2026

The NNNN banner depicting Bari Weiss blindfolded and holding scales of justice is lowered into the Third Street Sinkhole during Monday's acquisition announcement, as residents in lawn chairs look on.

News

NNNN Acquired by Ellison; New Headquarters to Open at Third Street Sinkhole

Bari Weiss named editor in chief; network logo to feature blindfolded Weiss holding scales of justice 'in the tradition of journalistic courage'

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 4, 2026

News

The Sunday Snooze: Fascism Has Happened Before, So We Don't Need To Worry About It

A careful historical analysis finds that troubling events have occurred previously, which experts say is reassuring

By James Okonkwo · Mar 8, 2026

Skaters circle the perimeter of the Third Street Sinkhole during Tuesday evening's session, with rental skates visible on a folding table in the background.

Local

Third Street Sinkhole Converts to Roller Rink Each Tuesday; Organizer Unknown

Smooth surface, working sound system, and rental skates appear by 6 p.m.; no permit on file, no jurisdiction to require one

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 18, 2026

The New Newmanton News

Sunday Snooze

Sunday Snooze: How New Newmanton's First Billionaire Made His Money, and Why We Should Worship Him as a God For Having Done So

Related Articles

This One Thing Done Every Morning Will Kill You and Everyone You've Ever Met

Third Street Sinkhole Begins Emitting Sound Consistent With 1982 Toto Single

Billionaires Do These 5 Things Every Day, Meaning These 5 Things Done Every Day Guarantee Wealth

NNNN Acquired by Ellison; New Headquarters to Open at Third Street Sinkhole

The Sunday Snooze: Fascism Has Happened Before, So We Don't Need To Worry About It

Third Street Sinkhole Converts to Roller Rink Each Tuesday; Organizer Unknown