2028 election

A printout of the leaked Democratic Party strategy document, partially redacted with a highlighter, rests on a table at Plimpton's Pub & Provisions on Thursday evening.

Leaked Democratic Memo Proposes Tax Break on Severance Packages, Annual Union Photo as Cornerstones of 2028 Labor Platform

Internal document also includes list of marginalized groups party is prepared to 'sell down the river'; phrase described as 'an unfortunate choice of words' by the staffer who chose it

By Margaret Huang · Mar 9, 2026

Local

School Board Approves Both Competing History Curricula in Unprecedented 'Dual Track' Compromise

Students will learn one of two incompatible versions of local history depending on classroom assignment. Testing accommodations forthcoming.

By James Okonkwo · Mar 4, 2026

News

The Sunday Snooze: Fascism Has Happened Before, So We Don't Need To Worry About It

A careful historical analysis finds that troubling events have occurred previously, which experts say is reassuring

By James Okonkwo · Mar 8, 2026

Nudes head coach Brian Tully answers questions about Gerald Petch's status at a press conference Thursday outside Founders' Memorial Field.

Local

NFL Bars Nudes From Super Bowl LX Over Mascot; Franchise Announces Alternative 'Liberal Tears Super Bowl' to Stream on Quibi

Gerald the Unencumbered's playoff conduct cited in league ruling; Mayor Reeves calls decision 'an attack on New Newmanton's way of life'

By James Okonkwo · Mar 5, 2026

An aerial view of Gnu Harbor Naval Base, which currently occupies 40% of the island's northern coastline.

News

Gnu Harbor Naval Base Announces $2.3B Expansion; Mayor Takes Credit, Demands More

Largest offshore military installation to add three facilities, 4,000 personnel. Reeves calls environmental review request 'anti-prosperity sabotage.'

By James Okonkwo · Mar 4, 2026

Mayor Clifton Reeves stands in front of the bronze Newton statue in Founders' Square on an overcast afternoon, holding a laminated map of the island with a large red x over the entire island while speaking to a small gathered press corps. His expression is tense and guarded as he gestures toward the map without releasing it, reporters with notepads and cameras positioned around him. Gray clouds hang low over the square's brick pavement behind him, and the statue looms slightly out of focus in the background.

News

Commonwealth Reportedly in Discussions With Corporate Buyer Over 'Complete and Total Destruction' of New Newmanton

Officials decline to confirm or deny terms; Mayor Reeves calls offer 'tremendous' and credits his administration for attracting interest

By James Okonkwo · Mar 4, 2026

A stack of Gnu Nation Cultural Council pamphlets outside the Cultural Council offices on Wednesday, as the Woke Mind Virus outbreak entered its fifth day.

Local

53 Employed, Another 33 Receive Universal Healthcare After Fresh Outbreak of Woke Mind Virus

Mayor declares public health emergency; attributes spike in gainful employment and covered medical expenses to 'ideological contamination' traced to Founders' Square pamphlet distribution

By Claire Beaulieu · Mar 9, 2026

The New Newmanton News

2028 election

Leaked Democratic Memo Proposes Tax Break on Severance Packages, Annual Union Photo as Cornerstones of 2028 Labor Platform

Related Articles

School Board Approves Both Competing History Curricula in Unprecedented 'Dual Track' Compromise

The Sunday Snooze: Fascism Has Happened Before, So We Don't Need To Worry About It

NFL Bars Nudes From Super Bowl LX Over Mascot; Franchise Announces Alternative 'Liberal Tears Super Bowl' to Stream on Quibi

Gnu Harbor Naval Base Announces $2.3B Expansion; Mayor Takes Credit, Demands More

Commonwealth Reportedly in Discussions With Corporate Buyer Over 'Complete and Total Destruction' of New Newmanton

53 Employed, Another 33 Receive Universal Healthcare After Fresh Outbreak of Woke Mind Virus